There are people who claim they have no regrets whatsoever. They'll tell you something like "if I had to live my life again I'll make the same mistakes, take the same decisions, change nothing".
Well, I belong to the opposite category. I do have regrets on things done / said, or on things not done at all (inaction). I usually blame myself ( ignorance, naivety, trust in the wrong people) for the matters regretted.
There's a famous song , originally performed by the french singer Edith Piaf (rip) , named "Non, Je ne regrette rien" (No, I regret nothing). According to this song, things that went wrong, make us strong. Grief doesn't last, it's a matter of the past.
True. Even if we regret our choice, some good might come out of it. We can't change the past. We can, however, try to focus on the present and the future. We can learn to apologize. Apologies give us peace of mind and sometimes save relations.
Still, I have regrets regarding many topics in my life, among them:
Staying in touch with friends from childhood and youth; Romance (breaking ups, getting dumped, dumping someone); Career and Jobs; Family ties. The only consolation is the thought that with any choice made there would probaby be positive as well as negative aspects to deal with.
Edith Piaf had an amazing voice and an excellent song Je ne regrette rien. But I don't believe that she had no regrets - abandoned by her mother, death of her child, car accidents, drugs, alcohol etc etc. Her song sounded ironic, not to be taken literally.
ReplyDeleteWell, she's only the performer, she didn't write the song. I believe, however, that she has identified herself with the message of the song: that is, what went wrong, makes us strong, grief doesn't last, it's amatter of the past.
DeleteA really nice song...and I am like you, have lots of regrets and I usually blame myself for so many reasons...what if, what could, and would...I am learning to let go of those thoughts that don't serve the purposes any more in my life...
ReplyDeleteIt's what we call a classic song , fits any generation. I like your attitude of 'let go", Angie.
DeleteI think 'regrets' is a strong word, with a connotation of anguish and maybe even bitterness. Instead, I can remember the past without stewing over it.
ReplyDeleteGood for you, Kathy!
DeleteI'm afraid I do feel some bitterness about things I believe I could have avoided at the time, but no use 'crying over spilled milk' ; it's not helpfu, is it.
The essayist William Hazlitt used to claim he had no regrets, wouldn't change his youthful opinions, but I think it means he was a bit rigid. When we get older and learn more, we do regret some choices. But I try to remember I was doing the best I could at the time, given inexperience, missing information and understanding.
ReplyDelete"When we get older and learn more, we do regret some choices.. ......"
DeleteThe last paragraph of your comment, Boud, is a wonderful summing up of the issue! Thanks.
First, my best wishes to you, Duta, for a wonderful 2024, and also a thank you for your posts about many topics which make me think (unlike some other blog posts). Also, a thank you for commenting on my posts through last year.
ReplyDeleteLike yourself, I do have regrets in my life which usually concern things left unsaid at the time. I have been trying to remedy that by not letting things "hang" and even if it's unpleasant to express my thoughts. However, that does not apply to blogging as some topics like religion and politics can cause controversy.
It's a pleasure to read and comment on your well-researched posts, Dorothy!
DeleteI'm not religious, but I believe in God, and I start my day by praying to God asking to be forgiven by HIM and Others for my sins towards them.
Wishing you a wonderful 2024 Year!
Duta, they say that the man stumbles twice on the same stone. It's true, possibly our fate will already be sealed. What went wrong is from the past.
ReplyDeleteUnderstandable to have regrets it is human
ReplyDeleteI think so too, Christine. It's human to have regrets. It's also human to apologize.
DeleteI think anyone who claims to have no regrets is fooling themselves, Duta. We all have done/said things that we wish we hadn't. But we can be forgiven is we turn to God in true repentance.
ReplyDeleteBlessings for a wonderful new year!
Yes, we can be forgiven if we turn to God in repentance - and this is good news, great message.
DeleteWishing you a blessed 2024 year, Martha!
I would change the past.
ReplyDeleteThere is an episode of Star Trek (Tapestry) where Captain Picard changes one baf decision he made in the past. It alters his life in unimaginable ways.
Good for him (I'm not familiar with the episode)!
DeleteAnyway, we humans are limited in our options whenever change is at stake. See Climate change. Only God can control it.
Dearest Duta,
ReplyDeleteTrying hard to live without having any regrets is still not making us perfect or life being a fairy tale...
Hindsight is always far better than foresight!
Edith Piaf sang it well, she put lots of emotion into the song.
Hugs,
Mariette
Yes, life is not a 'fairy tale', with or without the regrets.
DeleteEdith Piaf's voice does not leave anyone indifferent; it's full of emotions.
Hugs and Blessings!
Absolutely!
DeleteI don't believe when people affirm categorically that they have no regrets. I do. Minor ones so far, but they are still regrets.
ReplyDeleteI know that song. She was a fantastic singer.
She was, wasn't she - a phantastic, amazing singer! The video is not bad, but it doesn't do her justice. Edith Piaf was small of stature, thin, but with a powerful voice.
DeleteLike you I have regrets. Regrets for things not done, and for things I have said and done. I have (I hope) learned, but the regrets are still there.
ReplyDeleteWe learn from our mistakes, apologize to people, pray To God for forgiveness. Still, we feel sad, and sometimes bitter about the subjects/objects of our regrets.
DeleteI remember my mother telling me how she had no regrets. And well, being a daughter of someone who was diabetic and pretty Bi Polar..I thought differently. Yes, I think I regret not wearing more sun screen. Not taking better care of myself and still wanting to be a better person to those around me. Still, we have to remember we can only do so much. It is a bit of a paradox. And everyday will bring certain opportunities and some tightly shut doors.
ReplyDeleteWe wish to be good people to ourselves and to others, but we sometimes end up with regrets as life circumstances often stand in the way.
DeleteI like that song even though it makes me melancholy.
ReplyDeleteI too have regrets and like you, one is not keeping up with friends from my youth.
DeleteThe song goes from generation to generation and Edith Piaf's powerful voice never fails to stir emotions.
I know that song well. I hope I learned from mistakes, things done and not done. Forgiveness is important. In one sense then, regrets are unnecessary.
ReplyDeleteNew regrets can indeed be prevented by learning from past mistakes, asking forgiveness, apologyzing when necessary..
DeleteI have no regrets, some things in life have been unpleasant and/or disappointing and of my own doing but it was my destiny to live through those experiences, be older and wiser because of them and has made me who I am :)
ReplyDeleteI see your point, Betty. Those unpleasant experiences have made you wiser, and shaped you into what you are. now.
DeleteI know that song but didn't know the English version as in lyrics.
ReplyDeleteThe best english version was performed, by the british singer Shirley Bassey. Anyway, to get the correct lyrics in english, one can type the name of the song on the web, and ask for them.
DeleteI have no regrets either, at least not big ones. (There are a few where I wish I'd said something different but it wouldn't have changed the action.) Curiosity? Yes. "What if" I had done this or that, gone here or there. But no regrets that I made the choices I did.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad of that , Jeanie. In old age, even slight regrets can weigh heavily on one's conscience. Many of the choices were not made by me, but I take responsability.
DeleteLuckily, I tend to apologize , ask forgiveness, and that makes things much easier for me and helps with all things in life.
Thanks Regine, for your appreciation of my post.
ReplyDeleteAn interesting topic! I spend my nights going over mistakes and regrets.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteMost of us are like that - analyzing the causes of our regrets, hoping that the analysis might help prevent new ones in the present /future.
I think it is natural to have regrets because no one cam see the future, but what can be done is to learn from them and go forward. Happy 2924.
ReplyDeleteAgreed. Whar remains us to do is to try and learn from our past mistakes how to avoid upcoming regrets.
DeleteHappy 2024 to you too!
Boa tarde e bom final de semana minha querida amiga Duta. Israel está sempre em meu coração e minhas orações.
ReplyDeleteThank you Luiz, for your kind words.
DeleteI've always liked this song.
ReplyDeleteI think most of us go through life with a few regrets or admitting to making mistakes, it's only natural ... we are not perfect. The important thing is learning from them.
All the best Jan
https://thelowcarbdiabetic.blogspot.com/
Exactly. The important thing is to learn from the mistakes.
DeleteI have regrets and no I do not want to re-live any of them. Happy New Year. Lets hope 2024 will be a blessed one. Janice
ReplyDeleteHopefiully, Janice, 2024 will indeed be a blessed year with good health, peace, prosperity.
DeleteWhen I think back on major decisions in my life, I usually find it impossible to know exactly what would have been the result if I had chosen differently. Something might have been won, but something else might have been lost instead. Hence not all that much point in regrets... I agree about learning from our experiences and trying to move on, though. (And yes of course there are situations to say "I'm sorry" as well.)
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with each word in your comment. Yes, perhaps "not all that much point in regrets".
DeleteThere are definitely things in the past which I regret but little point in dwelling on them. If I had my time again I'd change them, but it's something we can't do anything about now so the best thing we can do is learn from previous mistakes.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely. "...little point in dwelling on them", "the best we can do is learn from previous mistakes".
DeleteDear DUTA....I've just read your comments of care for my safety. I've only just now...early morning 7th January got my internet connection working.
ReplyDeleteOh! Thank you sincerely, very much for thinking of me and my welfare. Things are starting to settle down...finally. Since the tornado struck on Christmas night...and it was a tornado, not just wild storm. I got power back yesterday, Friday afternoon...and after fiddling around a bit tonight, my phone and internet. I lost everything in my fridge/freezer...no power, no water, hot or cold, no TV, computer or internet. TV is still not switching on for reasons known only to it. In the cold light of tomorrow, Sunday 7th January, I do a bit more fiddling around with it...failing my success I will get a guy into sort it out for me. I'm okay...the roof is still over my head, and the four walls surround. There are many far worse off than I am...and for those poor souls, I feel so very sorry. Christmas 1990 I was on Newry Island with holiday-makers, from overseas and Aus...plus day-trippers....Cyclone Joy was no near as frightening as Christmas night, 2023. Let's hope 2024 brings everyone, worldwide,
peace, love, joy, goodwill and safety...
I wish you all the very best....stay safe...take good care. You are a good friend....a cherished friend.
Oh , Lee you've made my day. I'm so happy you're ok and have a roof over your head!
DeleteWishing you the best 2024 possible!
Yes, Sandra it is hard. It's up to each one of us to do what suits us best.
ReplyDeleteOf course people have regrets, if you say you don't, I don't believe you. I know I have them.
ReplyDeleteYou sound certain about having regrets and believing others have them too. I like that certainty of yours, Bill.
DeleteI do have some regrets. I never regretted my choice of spouse - it was an interfaith relationship which was a big no-no in my country back in the 1970's. But it also caused me to lose touch with one side of my family. I can regret not trying to restore my relations with that side of the family (one of them did find me several years ago and we are still Facebook friends). I have family I will never know if I don't take some action and I ask myself why I hesitate. It's a decision I have to make.
ReplyDeleteI see. Family relations can be complicated. Not sure action on your part will help, but it's worth trying,. The mere trial might give you a clear conscience, and peace of mind.
DeleteI think I have perhaps fewer regrets than some people, but it doesn't seem possible to me not to have some. You mentioned staying in touch with all friends. Through the beauty of internet/Facebook, I've been able to reconnect with people I knew as kids back in the old neighborhood. I have such warm wonderful memories of that neighborhood and the people, this has been a real boost for me.
ReplyDeleteI don't live in the country were I was born. Till the age of 16 I lived in Romania, and I 've lost my ties with my childhood and early teenage friends. The various social platforms are helpful particularly in the case of same country, same language.
DeleteI don't know that I have regrets, except for my marriage and that did produce to children that I love with all my heart, so how could I regret it. But definitely if offered the opportunity to change things I certainly would. Interesting to think about it.
ReplyDeleteIf offered the opportunity.... I suppose I too would change things. But you know, the 'ifs' an'buts' follow us along all our lives. Nothing new under the sun.
Delete