Prince Philip (RIP) was a very handsome man. Appearance is important; it opens doors and hearts.
Another handsome man has recently been in the news - the late Israeli, internationally acclaimed writer Amos Oz (died in Dec. 2018).
Oz is survived by wife, and three children: two daughters and a son. One of the daughters, Galia Oz, has lately published a book accusing her famous father of abuse (she claims he beat, cursed, humiliated her in childhood).
I am not among the fans of the father as a writer, and I'm not going to read the daughter's book, entitled "Something disguised as love". I suppose she's not making things up, perhaps slightly exaggerating as she has to sell the book.
Amos Oz and daughter Galia
I'll say this. In principle, I'm against this kind of family 'festival'. It serves no good purpose. Many people , have unpleasant memories of being punished and mistreated by parents, but very few feel the need to tell the world about that. They consider it a family matter. Child care practice seems to have, fortunately, changed in better over the years, and this is good news.
Anyway, whether I want it or not, events like the publishing of this book make me automatically think of my own parents. I believe death erases the flaws and leaves only the good sides of the deceased to be remembered.
My late parents (RIP) were not angels, but human beings, and as such had their shortcomings, yet I'm unable to recall anything bad about them. I feel only gratitude. They gave me birth, fed me, paid for my education, put up with my caprices and selfishness.
My childhood was far from smooth. My parents were Holocaust survivors. They came back from the war, broken and with health issues. (My birth, according to family gossip, was neither expected nor wanted as they felt almost 'finished' emotionally and physically). In addition, life under a communist regime was not a bed of roses, to say the least.
my late parents and brother
I miss them and I think of them as good parents and decent, hard- working people, with values. I 've also written things about them (not in book format), and when visiting their graves I read the stuff quietly but clearly. It's between them, me, and God. The bottom line is that , nowadays, there are no such fine people and parents like them.
There have been many people who have written about their famous parents. It is scandalous to be true. I admit to listening to Meghan Markle and Harry recently. Many thought it should have been kept inside the family.
ReplyDeleteWell, Harry didn't get the right education. The Royal family cannot control its family affairs. Never could.
DeleteThis sure makes sense to me as well. I was raised imperfectly by imperfect people who did their best. I did my best, and am sure I made mistakes, with my own kids, but all of us turned out to be fine adults. Again, fine, not perfect. Was Amos Oz the writer that the movie A Tale of Love and Darkness was based on?
ReplyDeleteYes,that's him. A Tale of Love and Darkness is his. The daughter, Galia is also a writer and journalist.
DeleteI feel sad for both of them - the accused and the accuser.
I am sure everyone has their side of the story when it comes to moments in their family history. It's hard to get the whole picture. But like you said, it's best to remember the goodtimes even in hardtimes. In recent times, its as if everybody wants to be a celebrity these days. Reality TV sells but I'd rather watch a fiction drama.
ReplyDeleteן've rather stopped reading fiction and watching tv dramas. At my age I can't afford escapism. I must look at the reality around me, and draw the right conclusions.
DeleteI understand what you mean. Yes, a lot of TV I am not that fond of. Mexican Gothic the book gave me nightmares. But sometimes, it's interesting to reread what you might have loved a decade or so ago. Naturally, you might ask..why did I like this? I used to be a fan of Paul Auster, but then I realized his wife might be the better author.
DeleteIndeed. I find it interesting and pleasant to reread things loved in the past.
DeleteGenerally,reading and watching TV is also a matter of age. At my age,one feels one has better and more urgent things to do than to escape in fiction and glamour.
I don't remember if I knew your parents had been Holocaust survivors. I can't even begin to imagine how hard their life was and continued to be.
ReplyDeleteI think the majority of people who become parents really try to do a good job of parenting. Some have to shake off the scars of their own growing up and make sure they don't inflict those same scars on their children.
For the most part I do believe respecting people and not airing others' dirty laundry for the world to see. Bet the book will have fifteen minutes of fame and be on the bargain book shelf shortly. I for one do not enjoy reading such tales.
Just in case you are interested, I started a new blog
https://winslowscornerofarizona.blogspot.com/
Just fluff right now with the potential of lots of corgi stories and pictures; no obligation to follow along :)
betty
" Some have to shake off the scars of their own growing up and make sure they don't inflict those same scars on their own children" (your comment).
DeleteI like that. Very true and powerful words! Thank you, Betty.
On balance, I would say that I am not in favour of these "tell-all" accounts, and it is probably better to move on with life, and put bad memories behind you. But I can understand that when one sees a parent admired and lauded by others, when you know of a very different side, there is a great temptation, a desire even, to set the record straight. And if there is a little money to be made too, well, that might just seal the deal!
ReplyDeleteI tend to think like you, but... she's not an only child. She has to consider her siblings and mother who are now in a very awkward, unpleasant position.
DeleteIf you want a family, you have to consider the feelings of the other members as well, and not act as if you live in a vacuum.
Thank you so much for your sincere nostalgic post! It was very interesting to read your article.
ReplyDeleteWell, Thank you, Victoria, for reading my post, and leaving a comment.
DeleteI know there are truly bad, brutal parents. And I understand needing to "get it out there" as healing but sometimes, it's just too much. Especially when one can't really defend themself if they chose. I think so many parents are figuring it out as they go along -- the good, bad and ugly of it. We figure it out all our lives. I know there are things I would do differently as a child as I dealt with my dad's aging but I did the best I could with what I knew at the time. I suspect parenting is much the same way.
ReplyDeleteProportion was needed. "...it's just too much." as you say.
DeleteIt was known that there were issues between father and daughter, but to publish an accusing book, after his death, putting the family into the corner - that was too much.
She's got children of her own; what would this do to them?
I would think that it helps the writer to put it out there. It helped me to write about caring for my failing parents. We all have our own journeys.
ReplyDeleteן do agree with the last sentence of your comment:" We all have our journeys".
DeleteWe also have choices. Publishing a defamatory book against father is not the only way to help one put things out.
Thank you Duta for sharing especially your thoughts about accepting and loving and I think that includes forgiving our imperfect parents, as we go on to be imperfect we can hope and pray our children and others in our lives will do the same to love us in all our imperfections.
ReplyDeleteBlessed be the memory of your beloved parents. I think you resemble your late mom, from the photos you have shared I can see a resemblance.
Blessings and Love,
Shayndel
Thanks, Shayndel, for your beautiful and kind words.
DeleteForgiveness is a key word - it is needed on both sides.
I've read somewhere that the father made some attempts to make it up with the daughter, during his life time - but his efforts were in vain.
As the eldest of five boys I have to congratulate my parents in coping so well with their children in times of hardship, poverty and the war. We all survived in our various rented accommodations, always hungry and in need of clothing, shoes and reassurance as the bombs and V1 and V2 rockets were hurled at us, night after night, for a very long time.
ReplyDeleteMy father was no angel but what man is? My Mum was a Saint, so stoic and forgiving of the roving eye of Dad, on occasion. They are, of course, free of all worldly cares, along with my younger siblings.
My earliest memory of my Dad is when he found me sitting on the top of the iron fire escape in the top floor cramped flat in Parsons Mead, Croydon. It was cold and dark and he found me sitting there. I was 4 years old or thereabouts. He asked me what I was doing. I'm waiting to see Jack Frost, I said. He had said to my Mum that we could expect Jack Frost in the garden tonight and I'd remembered his saying so. Of course, in those early days the words of your Mum and Dad were gospel true.
I didn't appreciate them enough then. I do now.
After we lose them, we start to really appreciate them; that's the usual way of the world, and that's a pity. We should fully appreciate them while they're still alive, and with us.
DeleteThanks Philip for your touching account of the memories you've got of your parents.
Your parents must have gone through a lot in their lifetime. My parents were not angels but I miss my mom. I don't speak to my father.
ReplyDeleteThey went through the worst one could imagine. My mom lost there a little child and a younger sister. The two perished of famine and sickness.
DeleteSo, you don't speak to your father; are you going to write a book on that:)
Every family has a story to tell. Some happy; some sad; same good; some bad.
ReplyDeletePerhaps, in some cases, it is therapeutic for for those personally affected to relate their story; sometimes it is therapeutic to others...the readers of such stories; sometimes not in either instances.
Indeed, so, Lee.
DeleteI've just told someone that working with photos and music (creating slideshows) is very therapeutic for me.I get lost in the photos, the music snippets, and the combo between the two; that brings me not only pleasure and satisfaction, but also relaxation.
Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome. Thank you for reading and leaving a comment.
DeleteI love this post. You lay your heart out to us. It is appreciated.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Linda.
DeleteSometimes, it's not enough to point at others. One has to be honest about oneself too. Galia and her father, made me think about myself and my father (both parents actually).
I agree with you completely, Duta, nearly all of these tell-all stories, usually published long after the parent of family members death proclaim such horrors. But, of course, they are naturally one-sided and perhaps the reason they are published later. I'm sure your parents, as did mine, did the best possible for their children.
ReplyDeleteThough a successful writer,his life was not without hardships; his mother had suffered of depression and committed suicide when he was a boy of 12. He had to move to the desert town of Arad because of his son's asthmatic condition.
DeleteI could not agree with you more. These tell all books are about the money. This is why I prefer memoirs. I don't doubt her father got too angry. I can remember my dad being angry. But I remember his caring more. It's all about being human.
ReplyDeleteYour parents truly lived through some horrible times. The PTSD had to be overwhelming at times.
Well, she won't be getting my money for the book. I feel sad for all involved, especially for her and her kids. She has estranged herself from the family - and, at a certain age we already know, there's nothing else significant in this world of us.
DeleteKudos for you, Duta. I can picture how life in the past, especially before and after World War II. Nazi, Khmer Rouge, and other invasion of Communist Party to take over Asia were very brutal. This condition would affect the way of parenting.
ReplyDeleteParenting is specific, not the same in different cultures, different religious, different area, different era; but the purpose is the same, to get better generations.
Nazis and communists were everywhere, but my family was originally from East Europe,Romania.
DeleteYou're completely right about parenting; it has the same purpose all over the globus -improve the quality of the younger generations by offering them love, care, and education.
Beautiful post! You are a true forgiver and life will go well with you for honoring your parents.
ReplyDeleteThank you Mary for your kind words.I hope you're right about "life will go well with you...". I pray to God that it does.
DeleteI agree very much with the fact that it should stay a family matter, but there are books to be sold! I think one of the mainstays of therapy is for the victim to not keep things private, part of the healing is in letting everyone know what happened to them, it brings them closure. I don't know that I agree, but I can understand why some victims can be talked into telling all. Our parents did the best they could. The hardest thing I've ever done in my life is be a parent and to this day I still make mistakes as did my parents. But I hope that my children forgive me as I forgive my parents and with time once they are gone, you only remember the good. Great post DUTA, love the picture of your family.
ReplyDeleteGreat to hear from you, Alicia.
DeleteWell, I'm not for this kind of therapy at all. It stains the memory of the father, hurts mother and siblings, and I'm not sure her own kids won't reproach her for that.
I agree, I thought about this last night and about how many people come out about their experiences once the person that supposedly injured or abused this has died. The other person does not have a voice and that's not fair.
DeleteI feel sad for her; she might regret that one day, but then, things are too late. There's a published book, and written opinions of readers who're not exactly making it easy for her conscience.
DeleteAnd there's family - the young generation of her kids, the siblings' kids; how could she look into their eyes?
I'm not a fan of tell-tale stories.
ReplyDeleteYour parents lived through horrible, terrible times.
Thank you for sharing the picture of your family.
All the best Jan
Hopefully, such times will never come again, but there's no assurance of that.
DeleteThe world is in a big mess, and not only because of the pandemic.
Thanks for your comment, Jan.