No, it's not about the famous italian movie 'Two Women' with Sophia Loren (widow), and her daughter, who had to leave Rome during the war.
My post is about two former neighbors of mine (rip), mother (widow) and daughter who had both Alzheimer.
What I've learned from their sad case is that genetics, even though it is inescapable, can nevertheless be delayed - provided the other two factors on the pyramid, stress and nutrition, are kept under control. Nutrition is the easy part. We definitely can control it. Stress, is another matter; it is not entirely in our hands. Sometimes, people have to leave home and/or work, , in order to survive, as stress in these places is too much for them; it kills.
The mother , a widow, lived alone in a small flat. Was of a calm nature and led a quiet, uneventful life. She got diagnosed with Alzheimer in her mid-seventies.When the disease progressed, she was placed in an adequate facility, where she was taken good care of. She was well over 90 when she passed.
The daughter lived with her husband and two teenage girls in an adjacent building. She had a stressful life, especially because of conflicts with her husband. Unfortunately for her, he retired early from work, and was constantly at home, doing nothing but criticizing her.
She was diagnosed with Alzheimer in her mid sixties, some ten years earlier than her mother. After getting diagnosed, she was given a live-in home carer.
Sometimes, I used to see her with the carer outside , and it broke my heart. I 'd known her as a tall, talkative, active person - and there she was - her head down, not recognizing anyone, not talking, a fragment of the original person. With her, the disease progressed rapidly.
It seemed her two daughters (who'd left home but not the town) gave up on her. If they would have been there to hug her, cuddle her, talk to her, maybe she would have felt something, reacted to love and attention, retained some form of humanity.
*
We come into the world alone and we leave it alone, even though there are people around us, at birth and at funerals. Those with Alzheimer not only come and leave alone, but also live alone, in a world completely their own.
very sad
ReplyDeleteIndeed. In the mother's case, it went slowly, and when it deteriorated she was taken to a facility, so I didn't see her at her worst. Not so with the daughter.
DeleteAlzheimer's is a really sad disease.
ReplyDeleteYes. That's a very cruel disease.
DeleteThe sight of the once active daughter in a wheelchair and unresponsive - was heart-breaking.
The only bright side to dementia is that the sufferer does not usually know. You are very right about stress. It is many times out of our control. I would hate to live with a critical spouse.
ReplyDeleteI do think about growing old alone in that I hope I have the wisdom to make it to the end. You don't get a choice with dementia.
Stress can be a killer. People that are aware of that will try to avoid it at all costs. They'll give up plans, hopes, aspirations, and that is really sad.
DeleteA harrowing account of this most cruel and incurable disease. Memories fade, rapidly disappearing completely.
ReplyDeleteEven though the elderly suffer this more than others, it can strike the younger person now and then. This is doubly terrible.
There is a type of this illness called Lewy Body disease, a severe form of Alzheimers. It's something I discovered about 12 years ago when a dear friend of mine succumbed to it.
When I was almost 17, way back in the 1950s, I had a girlfriend and dance partner: Stella. I joined the RAF, stationed in Germany for 3 years until 1956. Stella was courted by a lad and they married. I've never forgotten her, I never shall forget her.
In the year 2000 I did a search for Stella, and, via the Web and marriage records, I found her. I just had to see her again, even after a lapse of half a century. My wife and I had a great visit, meeting Stella, her husband and their children and grandchildren. Wonderful.
Never saw her since that visit, but I wrote and phoned her for about two years. During this time she was diagnosed with Lewy Body disease and sadly her husband died of cancer.
Stella was cared for by her wonderful daughter until it became far too difficult for her and Stella was then cared for in a specialist care home. I continued to phone her at her care home, even though she had completely forgotten my name. It was devastating to think of such a cruel blow.
One morning I received a phone call from her daughter. Through a tearful-sounding voice I heard the words "Stella has died..." It still hurts, eased only by the relief that Stella is at last in peace.
What a touching story, Philip!
DeleteYour search for your girlfriend and dance partner, the reunion with her, and her succumbing to dementia...Thanks for sharing.
I've looked up Lewy Body disease; it's considered the second type of progressive dementia after Alzheimer.
Such a sad story of the two women. My mother in law had Parkinson's disease and one of the complications that can come from it is Lewy Body disease. Unfortunately her husband was a bit controlling and criticizing of her plus added to the fact they were too proud to let people into their house to care for them (there was more than enough money to pay for home aides, etc). They ended up in assisted living and rapidly deteriorated. My husband used to time his visits to his mom when he knew his dad wouldn't be there so he could have time with her without his dad's intrusiveness. He gladly heard the same stories over and over again that she would share. It was a very sad situation. I used to wonder if I had the choice, and of course I don't, if I would want to live with pain and keep my "mind" so to speak or have no pain and be demented. I always came up with that I don't want to be demented. My mom was sharp as a tack until she started to slip away with various infections for about 6 weeks until she passed away at the age of 85.
ReplyDeleteAgain, such sad diseases that take away people's memories and their abilities to function.
betty
Your husband behaved as a good son to his Mom.I'm sure he 'got' to her, and she was happy with his visits.
DeleteThe 'choice' you mention: living with pain or living with dementia is of course no choice at all. Nowadays, pain can be handled, but when the brain shrinks as in dementia, nothing can be done about it.
The disease can really take a toll on the family. It get harder as it progresses. My grandfather had it he also had been bit by a tick so the doctors were never clear on their diagnosis. I did help out once when he was first going down hill and it was like he was channel surfing his life. He'd talk about his mother then I would think he was talking about my uncle then he would tell me, "No, that was my dog." Sometimes, the meds worked well..then later he told me he didn't want to see me anymore. He couldn't take care me, he said. I dunno it was heartbreaking and at the same time I felt he was trying to tell me something important in riddles. He was a rancher, an artist, he'd made boots and saddles when he was in college. In the beginning he told us all sorts of stories about his life and I am glad he did.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, it is best to be on a good diet, exercise and of course sleep..but of course, sleep is the hardest part for me. Thank you for this post!
You're right, Ellie. The disease can 'take a toll on the family', and it's heart-breaking when it afflicts a loved one like your grandfather.
DeleteSleep is extremely important for the mind and body. Many complain about their difficulty to fall asleep and sleep the right amount of hours, but there are good tricks out there that help. People just don't try hard enough.
Alzheimer's is one of the most profoundly sad diseases -- oh, to be robbed of memories. I suspect you are spot on about care and support helping one stay better for a longer time.
ReplyDeleteAgreed. "..robed of memories" sounds terrible, but it's the truth.
DeleteYes, I'm in favor of helping and supporting one till one's last moment.
Alzheimer, a dreadful thing to acquire in ones life. Probably harder of relatives and friends and so many degrees of the disease as well. Can understand why her children didn't bother with her, she would not have known who they were - not good for the children.
ReplyDeleteWell, "she would not have known who they were", but she would have felt perhaps, something good.
DeleteI still think the daughters should have been there for her.
I cannot think of abandoning someone because they had dementia, the very time when they need us most. The fact that they have lost the ability to recognize us, or to respond to certain stimuli, does not invalidate their ability to react to kindness, to appreciate a hug, a benefit from a simple gesture. Surely we would not wish to deny them that. Nor would we wish to deny our own humanity. Care and attention, love and empathy should be practiced right up until the end. We would expect no less for ourselves.
ReplyDeleteI totally and completely agree with your words. I believe we should never cease to hug our parents and loved ones, whatever their condition - both for their sake and our sake.
DeleteAlzheimer's and dementia are cruel diseases. My freind, once viobrant and young came for a visit at age 57 but it was as if someone transposed her numbers. So very sad to witness her get lost over and over again on my couch. Bless those afflicted.
ReplyDelete57?! rather early for this disease. The usual incidence of dementia is in the over 80 group. However, nowadays with all these chemicals, screens, stress - who knows. We might witness, God Forbid, many cases of dementia at early ages.
DeleteThe Sophia Loren movie was what I first thought of when I read your heading.
ReplyDeleteA sad story about this family. Alzheimer's is a heartbreaking illness...so very, very sad, indeed.
In the movie, initially called "Ciociaria"(name of an italian village) the two women got gang-raped by soldiers. How horrible! But it ends on a positive note, if I remember correctly.
DeleteIt was a highly acclaimed movie!
What a horrible desease it is, very sad. I hope they will find a good cure for that.I have watched the movie you mentioned in the beginning, too. Stay safe everyone!
ReplyDeleteSadly,there is no cure for major diseases. There are, however, scientific 'breakthroughs' which help improving and prolonging Life - and that is good; surely better than nothing.
DeleteA sad tale, Duta, and even more so that the mother and daughter succumbed to the same disease. What was even more heartbreaking to read was that the women's daughters deserted her when she most needed family around.
ReplyDeleteIt is a sad tale from any angle one looks at it
DeleteIn normal times, we go out, travel, meet people - this gives us the chance to see the bright sight of Life. Now, during the pandemic. we've got more time and we see Life in its lowest colors.
Such a sad story.
ReplyDeleteAlzheimer's is a most cruel disease.
All the best Jan
We're surrounded by many such stories, and there isn't much we can do about that. That's life, and it's not always fair.
DeleteUgh. So sad for those ladies. Losing my brain power is my worst fear as I enjoy spinning fiction. I also fear dying alone as I have no siblings or children. But, as you say, everyone does anyway.
ReplyDeleteThere's only one way, Sharon, to deal with fears of the kind you mention - Faith in God. Trust in Him, He'll see to all your needs.
DeleteI don't mean God as a religious entity, but as the supernatural power that has created the Universe, and controls it.
What a heartbreaking story! You did a great job presenting this. Keep up the good work of informing us of topics like this.
ReplyDeleteWishing you all the best. Stay Safe, my friend!
Thank you, for your kind words.
DeleteI wish I could write only about happy things, but our world is full of sad stories, and these shouldn't be left in the dark.
Thank you very much for your interesting article. Have a nice day!
ReplyDeleteHi, Victoria. You're welcome. Thanks for coming by.
DeleteReally sad. Alzheimer, is something that can be delayed if one keeps oneself occupied by engaging in activities, any activity that keeps the brain going.
ReplyDelete"...any activity that keeps the brain going" - very true!
DeleteI distinguish between 'active' activity and 'passive' activity. Reading a book is passive, writing a book is active.
It's the active activity that keeps the brain going.
'We all "espero" that some form of cure be found for this terrible disease. Scientists are working on it.
ReplyDeleteAlzheimer/Dementia struck my maternal grandmother when I was about 8 years old. My mother has always been fearful that it would happen to her. She watched it happen to 1 brother, then a sister then another sister and in total 4 sisters. Mom is 83 and she is still convinced that it's going to hit her and gets very angry if I tell her it would have hit her already. I think the saving grace for my mom is that she's always been a very crafty person. She's always loved sewing, embroidery, crocheting, painting, quilting, you name the craft and she's probably done it. She's also loved puzzles her whole life, boxed puzzles, crosswords, find a word and dot to dot. I think keeping your mind active is key. The story about that poor daughter breaks my heart.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear that members of your Mom's family have struggled with dementia.
DeleteYou're right - your Mom's craft activities keep her brain going. She should go on doing all those wonderful things she's used to. She sounds quite a character to me.
She is definitely a character DUTA!
DeleteDear Bloggie Friends
ReplyDeleteI'm taking a break for a while.
Among other things my old ccomputer has to be replaced,
Wishing you the best!
Duta
So heartbreaking We have had neighbours too with Alzheimer. I surely believe that stress is causing many diseases and also turn on the bad genes.
ReplyDeleteJust see that you are taking a break Good luck with your computer and a Merry Christmas to you and yours Take care
Yes, stress is a killer.
DeleteThanks for your good wishes.
Great soulful article! Thank you so much for drawing people's attention to such a common problem ...
ReplyDeleteThanks, Victoria for your kind words.
DeleteIt's such a shame, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteAlzheimer is Hell on earth. No one knows what is going on in their mind and they cannot tell anyone. We were fortunate that my parents and Wilson's mother were very alert until their death. It will be the first Christmas without Wilson's mother who was 101 and a half when she went to the Lord in late October. Peace and Hope
ReplyDelete"Hell on earth" is the very right definition.
DeleteCool post! Thank you very much for your sharing! I wish you Marry Christmas!
ReplyDeleteThank you. Merry Holidays to you too: both Christmas and the New Year!
DeleteIndeed, more and intensive scientific research is needed to find a solution to this terrible disease.
ReplyDelete