Law Lesson in the Ma'afia

It's not what you think. It's Ma'afia ( מאפייה) not Mafia.

I had to sue my employer for not paying me certain expenses and benefits . I decided not to take a lawyer to represent me as I distrust lawyers as much as I distrust politicians. So I sat down with the book to see what the law has to say in my case , and browsed through law forums on the Web to pick up some tips and tricks. I knew I had to be very good to beat the rotten system and get my money , so I checked very carefully the preliminary correspondence with the court and the lawyer of the adverse party. God opened my eyes and made me notice something which seemed like a gross mistake on the part of the lawyer or an attempt to mislead the judge.

I needed to be reassured of the value of my finding , so I turned to a young law student who worked part time in the local Ma'afia (hebrew word for bakery) where I buy my pita bread, and asked for his opinion. Brilliant, he said, we are going to tear him to pieces. We ?! Yes. The student offered his free services as 'producer' and 'director' of what was supposed to be my show in the court.

According to him, the danger was that the sleek lawyer will throw at me some provocative, offensive word , make me weep, and this will ruin the whole thing. That must not happen. I have to be in control of the situation from the very beginning. I have to be a ruthless attacker. He instructed me to rehearse in front of the mirror and then, a few days before the trial we rehearsed in the backyard of the Ma'afia, with him playing the part of the lawyer I was supposed to"kill". He was full of excitement and I was worried to death.

On the day of the trial, I was tense; the lawyer representing the employer seemed very full of himself and confident in his abilities. He didn't take even a single look at me. I was nothing to him. I didn't exist. This was a good beginning for me. I hate arrogant people, and ignoring me is a red curtain in front of the bull. So I started the attack. I approached the lawyer, looked straight into his eyes and asked with the right intonation where was it that he got his diploma as it appeared he didn't know the very basics of his profession. And then turned to the judge not asking, but claiming that this fellow, the lawyer, attempted to mislead the court by submitting distorted facts.

To make a long story short, I won the case.

A week latter, the student phoned me to ask for a favour -he wanted me to arrange a date for him with a certain girl he had seen me talking to. I hardly knew the girl; she was some distant relative of my cousin's sister in law. He insisted: You'll find a way, he said . I must meet her. Oho, love at first sight?! No, at second, he replied. "I've just learnt that her grandfather owns half of all the ma'afiot (bakeries) in the country".

Bastard. Cute bastard.