Of Doctors and Daughters

After retirement, our GP and her husband (also a doctor) moved to another city; sort of a new beginning.
A few years later, the husband died. I happened to come upon the obituary. It said that the deceased was  to be buried  at the cemetery of a city in the north of the country ; the location named was the one where their only daughter lived.

The daughter was a nice girl, but one that made her parents' life a misery. They had plans for her but she strongly disliked school and discipline. Her overall attitude had also isolated them socially, as their circle of friends used to be one of doctors and academics whose children followed in their parents' footsteps.

During her army service the daughter met a russian newcomer; they fell in love and decided to get married. It was not a bad decision. They were both without a profession, but his parents helped and put them on the right track.

In the meantime,  the 'new beginning' for the two doctors was rather one of loneliness. I met them once in the new city and they opened up.  They were each an only child to their parents, and so no siblings and nephews, only some distant cousins. They did keep in touch with their daughter who lived far, but failed to overcome their disappointment in her, so no close relationship.

When I read the obituary, I said to myself that  'frau doctor', the fresh widow, was probably going now to sell the apartment and move near  daughter and her family. The very right thing to do, and it would involve acceptance and reconciliation.
The daughter and son in law  were not perhaps highly educated, but still- good, decent people. That's what she needed in her old age - a good, caring family with grand kids to enjoy.

I felt glad for her, especially that she had once said some very kind words about my father. "He never leaves my office with the back to me; he moves slowly towards the door with his face towards me, out of  respect". Yes, that was him: always kind and respectful.

Dad

Both my parents were fond of their GP  as she spoke their language (rumanian) and shared their mentality. Giving medication was not her first choice. She used to advise her patients  to try  change of diet, leaving a toxic partner or place of work , minimal commuting. In a way she was ahead of her time; in those days the doctor was mainly expected to find the problem and give medication, not suggest how the patient should live his life.

Visitation Dreams

If and when  I happen to dream during my sleep, it's usually about family members that are no longer with us. They talk, sometimes weep, but when I wake up, I don't remember any word, and that unsettles me .  I lit a candle, ask for forgiveness, say a few words in their memory; that calms me down.

These kind of dreams are important to me. They indicate that there's some  sort of connection and communication with the deceased. Things don't end completely with one's passing; the departed  'stay in touch'  somehow.

In my latest dream it was my beloved mother that made her appearance. She talked and cried. Perhaps she was asking me not to skip  my usual pre-High Holidays annual visit to her grave . We live in weird times, with a shutdown  threat upon our heads, so her fear of me not visiting, was not without reason. 

The next day, I put the mask on,  and hurried to the cemetery to be at my parents' graves.
The day after , I went to the cemetery  of  an adjacent city, to visit the graves of my brother and my little  nephew.

These visits last at least an hour, during which  I wash the tombs, lit candles, and say prayers.

A friend of mine, who doesn't have dreams of that sort says I probably think often of them and they feel loved by me, that's why they appear in my dreams trying to communicate.

Well, that's true. I think of them daily, comparing them to the people I encounter. I consider them by far superior in their human qualities.