There was a sad story in our Media, some two weeks ago. A well - known professor of philosophy, and literary critic, aged 88, sitting in a wheelchair surrounded by boxes full of his archive files - in an appeal to the public: 'help me, don't let them throw me out of my flat'. To make a long story short, he owed a lot of rent money, and so he got a court order asking him to evict the flat.
I was especially intrigued by the comments to the story. The commenters mentioned the university, colleagues, students, the Ministry of Education and other factors which should , according to them, intervene and solve the problem. No doubt, the problem will get solved, but I asked myself how come nobody mentioned his children, his family?
'Perhaps he doesn't have any', I said to myself and went to check with the Wikipedia. Well, he does have children - two sons from his third ex-wife (also a professor). The rumor has it that he used to beat his wife, and so they have all three estranged themselves from him . If the rumor is correct, I can understand them, and yet at his age and condition, they should have shown some forgiveness and empathy, not leave it all to the State and the public.
The story has reminded me of a Chinese law ( no, not the notorious one which allows a couple to have one child only) - a law from 2013 which requires children to keep in touch with their parents who are 60 and older, in addition to making sure their financial and spiritual needs are met. If children do not comply, they face fines and lawsuits. I think every country should have such a law.
This is a sad story. He is reaping the seeds he sowed perhaps.
ReplyDeleteSo it would seem. He was not good with his finances, and made big mistakes in his family life.
DeleteSad story and I agree with Christine.
ReplyDeleteSo many people are bitter against one parent especially a wife beaters, I can understand that from the outside looking in.
Sounds a good law that Chinese one.
He made it sound as if raising the money to pay the debt might solve the problem. He'll probably get the money, but I'm afraid the owners are fed up with him and want him out anyway.
DeleteThe chinese law could fit the western world too.
To take care of the old parents is not always possible, most of the children have not enough money for that and also all women I know would never ever live with their parents ! the gap between the way of life between young and old is too big. We have such nice retirement homes here, that the majority lives there without worries and well taken care of and pay it with their pension. If the pension is not enough the children have to pay the difference. That's the law. Concerning flowers on a cemetary, more and more people are cremated and on the graves you find more and more fake flowers !
ReplyDeleteIt depends where you live, Gattina. Your country, Belgium,is one of the better places to live in.
DeleteBesides, in you husband's case, you visit him often, but other residents of the retirement homes, hardly have any family visits and the staff takes advantage of that.
This is truly sad. And we are in bitter times. My grandparents were telling me how their neighbor became a ward of the state. She was the cat lady. The state finally transported her to a home that was hours away from where she lived. Of course, her place is for sale, but no one has really cleaned out the house as of yet and it's been over a year. It feels these situations are always on going. Finally, she does have some relatives coming forward.
ReplyDeleteThere are, unfortunately, many cases like that with the State having to intervene until some relative,if any, comes forward.
DeleteWe are ,indeed, in bitter times. In the past, people were attracted by the prospect of inheriting a house, and came to the help of the older relative, but not nowadays.
Thanks so much for your comments.
DeleteI get the feeling these days we are all headed to RENT instead of OWN. Perhaps its convenient times or just pressure from the state of our nation. Hard to say, but it seems everything is expensive these days. If we didn't blame it on COVID I am sure it would be something else.
How very true!!
DeleteBy the way, the said professor owned the apartment, but he sold it, and then came back as a tenant.I suppose his move was not a clever one, and now he needs help.
I don't think his wife and sons owe him any forgiveness and empathy. He's not owed anything by those he abused. Yes, it's a societal problem, unfortunately now but they may need to keep away for their own healing lest a cycle continue.
ReplyDelete'Societal' has become a key word in the western world. Everything gets related to society or social relations.
DeleteFamily members who should be the first 'respondents' are sometimes not even in the context of things.
This sounds like a story with many angles. It's a shame that it didn't bring all of them out. Not everyone would search out the extra information like you did.
ReplyDelete'many angles' - I think so too.
DeleteI found it weird that the comments (there were many) don't mention family members at all. After all, the children, the siblings (if there are any) should be the first to get involved in such a situation, and try to do something.
I'm not sure I'd be in favour of such a law. If someone abuses you, I wouldn't want them taking care of me, or vice versa.
ReplyDeleteI'm not in favor of such laws either. There are things which should be done without the intervention of laws. However, if family refuses to take any responsability,the law must see to it that not everything is thrown on the shoulders of the public.
DeleteIt's a said story but I don't think his wife and sons owe him any forgiveness. You reap what you sow. If he in fact was a horrible father / husband then he bring it on himself.
ReplyDeleteI intend to follow the story, and see if there are any reactions from the family. So far, nothing.
DeleteI was not aware of that law.
ReplyDeleteIf indeed he was a bad spouse and father wouldn't he be afraid of retaliation if the family was involved?
Either way, it is a sad story.
As far as I know, this law was legislated in China, and is valid there. Haven't heard of a similar law in the western world. In the west, they emphasize society's role in its taking care of its elderly.
DeleteNo such law in the western world for sure
DeleteI thought so. The West makes the issue of elderly parents a public, societal one.
DeleteI would not agree with a law like that. There are too many parents that treated their children horribly when they were younger and even as adults and to have to watch over those parents just because they're elderly is not right. My own dad is 88 and not one of his 5 children speak to him including myself because he beat all of us, beat our mothers and was incredibly mentally abusive to us even as adults when we tried to forgive him and have him in our lives. He has my step mother to care for him but I'll never speak to him again and it's his own fault. Sometimes forgiveness is not the answer.
ReplyDeleteWow, Marry! I'm sorry! It seems my post has brought bad memories to you. Well, at least your Dad has a wife to take care of him. The professor has a male carer who comes to him several times a week.
DeleteI believe that even if there's a law like the Chinese one, if children can prove parental abuse,they won't get punished by the law.
it sounds like such a sad story - I can see why his family would not want to help someone who caused such pain. I can't imagine not wanting to help my parents but I also can't imagine someone being so full of hate as this man was and I completely agree why his family wouldn't want to be around him, what a horrible man.
ReplyDeleteHope you are having a great week :)
Away From The Blue
I can't pretend I know the truth. I've heard rumors about his misbehavior towards his ex-wife. The sad fact is that no child or family member has come forward so far.
DeleteAnyway, I believe we could and should show some compassion in certain cases.
This is indeed a sad story. We reap what we sowed is one reason why many old folks are left on their own. But there are also cases of children abandoning their parents even when the parents have taken good care of them. For the wounded, the wounds remain fresh and painful if there is no forgiveness. There is no easy solution to such cases. Money is one big problem too. Thank you for sharing this story. Hope we will make every effort to make restoration when there is still chance, if there is a need to do so.
ReplyDeleteExactly - there's no easy solution. I like the way you put it " for the wounded, the wounds remain fresh and painful if there's no forgiveness".
DeleteAwesome blog
ReplyDeleteThanks Rehana; your comment is lifting my spiritS, and I really appreciate that.
DeleteI can understand the wife and children. When my late brother and I were small children I stepfather was a violent man who, to put it briefly, caused us all much grief. If that I wouldn't lift a finger to help him. Clear and simple...
ReplyDeleteA step father. People have more feelings for a biological father, even though he has mistreated them. Whether they want or not, they're bound to have some compassion for an old man in a wheelchair.
DeleteIt seems a very sad story, and I do wonder if there is more to this story, I wonder how things will eventually turn out?
ReplyDeleteAll the best Jan
I DO WONDER TOO. SO FAR, IT'S QUIET. ן KNOW THERE'S A CAMPAIGN FOR HIM TRYING TO GET A DEAL WITH OWNER AND THE COURT.
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